The Matrix Star
by Pathas Li
Summary: Gene must battle Fred and other characters in this parody of the Matrix. But the Maxtrix only has one good purpose. To ANNOY POOR OL' JIM.


Gene was lying in his bed asleep, dreaming about shooting someone in the balls and laughing at the stupid son-of-a-bitch as it would run around crying in pain. Then a computer that Gilliam was hooked up to went on all by himself. Gene woke up startled and shot Gilliam, but the computer sayed on. Gilliam then began to say something.  
"Knock, knock, Gene," Gilliam said. Gene shot him again. "Your mother's calling you big, fat, mother-fucking son of a fatherless goat!"  
"Die dammit!" Gene yelled as he shot Gilliam again.  
"God dammit Gene, would you stop shooting me, someone is transferring a transmission through me," Gilliam said. Gilliam was still talking in the not funny sarcastic voice. "Follow the fluffy easter bunny Gene, the Matrix Line is calling. He...he....he...ho....ho...ho. Ha...ha...ha."  
Gene shoots Gilliam once more. Gilliam then says, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" He says it in a very weak voice that sounds like fly caught in a web.  
Gene shrugged and fell asleep.  
  
Gene was working one of the ships in his shop. He was one of the many workers who worked there. Then a cell phone landed by his feet. He shot it. Another one landed by his feet. He hot that one as well. Then a third one fell and shot him with sulfric acid on his arm. On the cell phone it read, PICK UP DUMB ASS!!!!!  
Gene shrugged as he rubbed his hand, he picked up the phone.   
"Hello Gene Starwind," said the person calling him.   
"Er, who is this? And wait a minute! My name isn't Gene, its uh, Jerry Curse. Yeah, that's right, my name is Curse," Gene stated.  
"That's what you say it is, but we know who you really are."  
"Who are you, the IRS? I said I'd pay you back later."  
"We aren't the IRS Gene Starwind, you're in touble now. I am a disiple of the great Ranma. He would like to speak to you in person. But that may not happen."  
"What? Ranma? Why does he want to speak to me?"  
"Not now, listen, executives are coming your way."  
"Execu-whats? What the fuck are you talking about? You are part of the IRS!"  
"We aren't the damn IRS! Now listen, climb into the ship that you are working on and fly out of there."  
"Are you kidding I'll be fired!"  
"Just do it, turn around. See the men in the black jackets?"  
Gene turned around and saw Freezer, Fred Luo, and Cell walkng toward him. "Aw shit."  
"See? Now hurry, get out of there!"  
Gene leapt into the ship and immediatly took off. But then the ship blew up and took out the entire shipyard. Gene stoodup from the seat and shook his head."Double damn."  
  
Gene sat in the small room. Fred Luo stood on the opposite side of the desk, beside the doors was Freezer and Cell. Fred paced around the room. "Gene Starwind, it seems that you will have to pay for what you have done to the shipyard, doesn't it Gene?"  
"Listen, I'll serve my god damn time, can I leave this room now?" Gene asked.  
"Well Gene, maybe we could give you a phone call," Fred said as he grinned. "But you have to sexually abuse all three of us."  
Freezer and Cell nodded.  
"Excuse me for a second," Gene said disgusted. He then turned his head to the side and threw up. He stepped back from the three. "Get the hell away from me you fruits!"  
"Would you atleast spank us?" Fred asked.  
Gene reached for his gun, but then noticed that it was gone. "What the hell did you do with my gun?"  
Then he noticed the gun lying on the desk, but he didn't dare come any closer to the three.  
"Fine then Gene, have it your way," Fred responded. "We'll just have to rape you."  
"In all the name of what is straight! Get me the hell out of here!" Gene shouted.  
Then a car came crashing through the wall, Gene's caster went flying through the air into his hands, he fired at Cell, killing him. He then tried to kill Fred and Freezer but they ran away screaming like little girls. Melfina opened the door to the car, "Get in!" she shouted.  
  
Gene was taken to a building that had a sign that said: RANMA'S HIDEOUT. THE EXECUTIVES CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS BUILDING BECAUSE THEY SUCK COW BALLS. Fred ran by the building and yelled toward it, "Cow testicles! Say it right you bitch!"  
"Excuse me, but could you please tell me what's going on?" Gene asked Melfina.  
"Its simple, Ranma wants you to help us kick the executives asses to hell. They have been trying to eliminate our team and take over both worlds. The computer place made of infinite zeros, and this place."  
"Okay, I get all that, but why do I have to come here?"  
"You'll see soon enough."  
The car stopped at the building.  
  
"So you are Gene Starwind, huh?" Ramna said as he paced around the room. "Let me tell you one thing, I am the coolest person on this team for I am the leader. If you are better than me then I'll snap, forget Akane. And screw Shampoo. Got it? Now I wouldn't mind doing that, but I'd rather that you don't become cooler than me. Got it? Good. Now go order me a pizza then come back here."  
Gene picked up the phone and dailed a number for a pizza parlor.  
One of the people working there answered. "Hello, Pizza Piss-In-Your-Pizza. May I take your order."  
"Yeah, I'll have a medium pizza with pepporoni," Gene responded.  
There was a pause, (Note to the audiance: This is the same guy seems familiar.) "Don't you want a large with everything on it?"  
"No, that's too much money."  
"Are you sure, we have over two billion topings and the total comes to two thousand wong, that's a good price."  
"Whoever the hell you think you are, I don't fucking want to buy the works on your pizza. Two billion toppings?! I'm sure there is a pointed stick topping! Stick it up your ass you stupid salesman! I ain't gonna buy any shit to put on your fuckin pizza! I don't care if you're gonna bitch for a whole hour! You can bite that pizza and jack off on it you prick! I'm not gonna buy your fuckin works pizza! Now put the order that I want down! And shut the fuck up!"  
There was a pause, the pizza clerk had shit his pants. "You little-"  
Gene cut him off, "Shut up you asshole! I can walk to this pizza parlor and pound a cap in your head with a nailgun. Now shut the hell up! Just deliver the damn pizza! How hard is that? Do you have to shit your pants all over again?! You must have already! You sound like a horse that had his balls burnt off with a burning metal prod! Jesus Christ! Shut up and deliver the damn pizza!"  
The doorbell rang, Gene shot through the door. He opened it and saw the clerk lying on the floor clutching his shoulder. Gene picked up the pizza and shut the door. "Idiot."  
  
"So Gene, Melfina has already told you about the executives. So now it's time that you are prepared to fight them. You will be sent to the training room," Ranma said as he bit into the pizza, he then spat it out. "Dear god! What the hell!? Tastes like someone jacked off on the pizza!"  
Gene then shook his head, "Must of been a stupid delivery guy." Then he mumbled, "That stupid asshole."  
After Ranma made himself throw up for an hour and used mouthwash for a while, he continued. "Jim! Ryoga! Take get him what he needs."  
Ryoga and Jim came out from a room and and guided him through the building, it took a week though since Ryoga led them through the building. Jim then opened a door and they were in a room with many reclining chairs. Gene was led to one of the chairs.   
"Now what is it that you guys are doing?" Gene asked.  
"We're going to give you a bunch of skills. Nothing much.  
Jim pushed a bunch of buttons and Gene yelled in pain. "Hey, I think he-" Jim was cut off.  
"If you repeat that god damn line from the movie we'll be sued and I'll kill you!" Gene yelled.  
  
For the past hours, Gene was showing off his new power. Which made Ranma look bad. So Ranma screwed Shampoo. The executives stayed away from the buildings on the count that the SOS (Sounds of sex) scared them.   
Gene was walking through the halls when he saw Harry yelling at Melfina.  
"Come on Melfina! Please give me a chance! I'll never hurt you!" Harry yelled.  
Melfina responded, "No Harry, for the two hundredth time. Leave me alone!" She then sprayed him with pepper spray. Harry's arm began to freak out.  
"Dammit Melfina!" Harry shouted as he ripped his arm off and prepared to whack her with it.  
Gene then shot Harry in the balls. Harry cried in pain and ran around the building in pain. He was then repaired an hour later. Gene was then walking through the hall talking with Ryoga and Jim. "So why are we in this war?" Gene asked.   
"Just to piss off all the gay characters in anime," Jim answered.  
(Note to audiance: I have proof that Fred Luo is not gay. But fanfics wouldn't be funny if he wasn't.)  
"Well what the hell is this Matrix?"   
"The Matrix is the Easter Bunny. That damn, damn Easter Bunny!" Jim yelled as he ran around sreaming  
They passed by Ranma's room, they still heard screaming. "Jesus Christ," Gene said as they passed it. "How long are they going to do that?"  
Gene then entered a bathroom and ran up to one of the stalls and leapt up into the air. He stays suspended there for a few seconds then in the next second, he's standng infront of it zipping up his flyer. "Stop showing off!" Ryoga shouted as he then got lost in the bathroom. "Hey! Where are you guys."  
  
Harry sat in the chair across Ron. "Now you will inform us when you all leave the building, right?" Ron asked.  
"Yes, as long as I get Melfina," Harry responded.  
"Fine," Ron said, and then he let out a long lame laugh.  
  
Gene was sitting in one of the recliners when Melfina walked in.   
"Hello Gene," she said as she sat down in one of the other recliners.  
"Hey," Gene responded. "Wait a minute, Melfina, who sent me that email."  
"That was Jim."   
"What's with the 'Follow the easter bunny'?"  
"He said that becasue he said that the Easter bunny stole his easter eggs a few years ago."  
Then a white rabbit runs thorugh the room with Jim chasing after it. "There's that damn easter bunny! He's got my eggs!" Jim takes out a shot gun and follows the rabbit.  
"How do you people stay sane here?" Gene asked.  
"I don't know."  
"Do you know anyways?"  
"Sure."  
"Cool. All right then, let's get the show on the road. "  
  
"God dammit!" Ryoga yelled clutching his head. "Too much SOS in here! Ranma isn't even done screwing shampoo! How long is Gene gonna do this?"  
"I'll kill him for that," Harry complained.  
"You guys, Gene isn't screwing Melfina," Jim explained.  
"Then what's that sound?" Ryoga asked as he took asprin.  
"It's a tape recording. They left the building to take a walk," Jim said.   
"Wait a minute, you walked in on them?" Ryoga said disgusted. Jim shot him in the arm.  
"I chased that god damned Easter Bunny in there, I saw the tape recorder and that's where the sounds were coming from."  
Ryoga was lying on the floor sobbing at his arm. "How do you know that they're not inside the tape recorder?"  
Jim shoots him again.  
"Ow! Leave me alone!"  
Jim then saw the Easter bunny, "There's that damn Easter Bunny! He's got my eggs!" Jim fires at him and misses, by a mile, and blows the door open. "Aw shit."  
"Wait a minute," Ryoga said as he stood up. "How did they get the sounds?"  
Everyone stood in silence thinking. Then Jim shot Ryoga again just for the hell of it.   
  
"This isn't right!" Ryoga shouted as they walked through the streets. "We aren't supposed to leave the building. Those bastards are gonna get us killed."  
"Were only gonna die if we have someone as the watchman, and everyone else goes one way," Ramna said. "Jim, be the lookout."  
"Okay," Jim said without thinking.  
  
Harry had already called Ron and told them the possition. "It's time to make this son-of-a-bitch pay!"  
Ron showed up on another building. Harry pointed him in the direction and he left.  
  
Jim was sitting down reading HOW TO KILL THE EASTER BUNNY AND OTHERS THINGS THAT DON'T EXIST ON THE COUNT THAT YOU'RE A CRAZY IDIOT!  
Jim heard something walk through the shadows. He took out his shotgun and threw it at the shadow. "Ow!" he heard a Baby Cell shout.   
"Aw shit," Jim said as he drooped his head. Then he saw the damn Easter Bunny. "Come here you bastard and give me my eggs!"  
As the Baby Cells opened fire on Jim, Jim pursued the Easter bunny, dodging the shots as he tried to use different hunting techniques. He then got his shot gun. The Easter Bunny put bunny ears on all the Baby Cells. Jim's eyes then went bloodshot red and his teeth went jaged. The scene then shifts to the sky as you hear the gun fired until it's out of ammo. Then you hear the crunching of bones and the screaming of the Baby Cells in terror. Back to where Jim was. He's finishing off the leg of one of the Baby Cells.  
He then notices that they're all dead. "These aren't the right bunnies. DAMN!"  
He was then shot in the back and he fell to the ground. Freezer holstered his gun and laughed a long gay lame laugh.   
Jim's last words before everything went black was, "Damn Easter Bunny..."  
  
Gene and Melfina walked through the streets. "Why the hell does Jim hate the Matrix so much?" Gene asked. "It can't be because of some eggs."  
"It is," Melfina responded. "That and the bunny stole his girlfriend, raped both his parents, jacked off on his car, and tormented him for two years."  
"Why does the Matrix pick on him?"  
"Because Jim just plain needed to go insane."  
Just then, a missle was fired at them. When the smoked cleared Gene was no where in sight. Harry walked toward Melfina.  
"Get away from me," she shouted, but her pepperspray was empty.  
"I always loved you Melfina. Now I'm gonna kill you because I love you!" Harry shouted insanely.  
"Get the hell away from me! You're just a fucked-up prick! Stay away!"   
Then Gene shot Harry in the balls. Harry cried in pain and hopped around wimpering. Then someone shot him in the back and he fell to the ground dead. Jim was standing behind him, Jim still had the one bullet in his back.  
"How the hell did I think that Harry was the Easter Bunny?" Jim said as he scratched his head.   
They were then attacked by many Cell babies and Ranma came and saved them but was somehow captured.  
"So now we have to go save Ranma." Gene said as he unholstered his gun.  
  
Gene and Melfina just entered the room and all the Baby Cells went crazy. Gene decided to finish things quick and killed them all with a missle launcher. They walked to the roof where Jim was, running from Freezer. Then a pair of bunny ears landed on Freezer's head so Jim tore him up and shattered his bones. Then Fred came up from an elevator and fired at Gene, Gene didn't even have to dodge since Fred couldn't aim. Gene shot at Fred, Fred tried to bend back but hurt his back and was hit by the bullet anyway since he sucked.  
Then King Cold came up from the elevator and attacked them. Ranma walked out from a closet, Ryoga had also been captured, but he got lost in the jail cell and somehow lead Ranma out of the building and onto the roof.  
Then the Matrix appeared. Jim shot him, blowing the damn Easter Bunnies head off. Jim laughed evily. But they were all out of ammo for some reason, so they didn't know what they were going to do as King Cold came closer.   
"Gene!" Melfina yelled. "Use the Matrix!"  
"What?" Gene said. "Hey, that's a good idea." He then picked up the rabbit head and threw it at King Cold, it landed on his head.  
Jim went psyco and cracked King Cold open and beat the living hell out of him. So they all went back to base and smoked pot until they couldn't breath, except for Gene and Melfina. Gene was screwing Melfina. And Ranma screwed Shampoo sicne Jim killed the Matrix and almost all the gay people. Ryoga got lost when he sat down on the floor, so he curled up into a ball and wimpered until he learned that he didn't have any pot. So only Jim was getting high.  
THE END   
  



End file.
